from the back seat

kiki: what is this song, Daddy?

J.: Hot Legs by Rod Stewart.

kiki: hout wegs?

J.: yes, Hot Legs.

kiki: oh, Captain Hook has hout wegs!

not in hot water

Why, you ask? Let me tell you, my friends, it is because our hot water heater was not working. Well, technically (as my loving husband likes to point out) it was working, but it was leaking out of this pipe-thing sticking off the side. You could look at it and see it was 20-25 years old and so I figured that it would be smarter to just, you know, replace the water heater instead of just that little pipe thing. I had support from my dad who agreed that we needed a new one because the old one was, well, old. And from my step-dad who said that it was probably 50% full of sediment and stuff. And really, how hard can a water heater be to replace? A Saturday project at best one would think.

Clearly, I have no idea what I'm talking about since I don't even know what that pipe-thing sticking off the side is called.

So the original project for the weekend was to replace this little log type low retaining wall on the back patio that oozes dirt every time it rains with some lovely landscape block that my aunt and uncle so generously gave us. 2 years ago. We are a little slow on the home improvement thing. Well, it ended up raining all week and was just too wet to be trying to set in landscape block. So I chime in, "Hey, how about you replace the water heater?" My dad and J. agree and head off to Lowe's. I suggested that they go to Menard's (a locally owned chain), but they went to Lowe's because it is closer. We really didn't do any research about hot water heaters and such, just the prices. Which were all about the same. One would figure that you would get the same type of quality for the same money at any of the major home improvement stores. WRONG.

So they come home with a lovely shiny new Whirlpool FlameLock water heater. I won't go into details about the numerous trips to the neighborhood hardware store to buy this or that as they were trying to install it. Or even about the little blowtorch that engulfed in flames (also from Lowe's) and almost killed my step-dad. Or that despite using the liquid copper sealer stuff as well as sodering with a new non-flame-engulfing blowtorch, the thing still leaked water from several places. No, let me just focus on the true crime here. This particular brand of water heater. Oh, People, please google this thing before buying. I implore you. It is insanely heinous that Lowe's even continues to carry a product that has been causing nothing but grief since the beginning of this decade. This is exclusively sold at Lowe's and was the only kind of water heater available at Lowe's. NUTS, I tell you! I don't know how with good conscience I am going to be able to continue to shop at a store that sells something it knows is a PIECE OF CRAP. HOW?????????? WHY?????????? Do they have no morals? I think not.

Orange is my favorite color anyway. Guess where I'm going to shop from now on?

There is more to our Saturday, but I will have to post that later. I give you a teaser though ~ Mommy freaked the f*ck out.

generation gap

Calling the kids in to wash up for dinner tonight, I see Kiki has been playing with blue sidewalk chalk. Her hands and arms were covered with it and she had rubbed her face so it was blue as well.

Me: Kiki, did you color with some chalk?

Kiki: Blue chalk, momma!

Me: I can tell, you look like a smurf.

Muss: What's a smurf?

and then at dinner

Muss: Mama, there's something weird going on.

Me: What is it?

Muss: Well, during Spring Break last week, the days seemed to go really fast. The whole week went really fast. Then, today at school, the day went really slow. Slower than the Spring Break days.

Me: Welcome to reality, sweetie.

breakfast exchange

Boo decided he wanted toast for breakfast this morning

J: Boo, do you want white bread or brown bread?

Boo: uhhhh, white....because I'm white.

That he is. I think he is even pastier-white than his mother. And that is pretty white.

finally

Finally I am starting to feel better. I haven't been out of commission like this for as long as I can remember. It's like I had mono or something (but I didn't) and I have just been tired. Like I-can't-go-on-another-minute tired. Really tired. And I am still having coughing attacks like a 3-pack-a-day smoker (but I'm not). I am still using an inhaler like an asthmatic (but I'm not). But this week, I was able to take the kids to the zoo. AND WALK AROUND. Walk around for more than 5 minutes without needing to sit down and take a breather. And hack up another lung (how many are in there anyway because I'm almost sure I have hacked them all up). I am not at full speed, but I am better. That's a start at least.

So after walking around the zoo for 2 hours, I took the Muss to her tennis lesson. Thank the heavens above that Kiki fell asleep on the way there because I could not have chased her around the tennis center for an hour without losing my mind (and yet another lung). So the Muss had her lesson, Boo played with the siblings of one of the Muss' tennis mates and Kiki slept on my lap while I caught up with another mom who had a newborn (her 4th!). Then I got take-out on the way home because after all that activity, there would be no cooking for me. I was beat.

My mothering skills have not been stellar lately. I have been short with the kids, meals have been hap-hazard and I have probably let them play the Wii more than I should. Then there is the house. I was able to get it presentable enough to have a birthday party for the Muss on Sunday evening (a week late, mind you), but it was only clean on the surface. Barely.

Then there is the laundry. I have complained about laundry in the past, maybe not here, but my friends and family have heard my laundry woes. My issues with laundry are kind of like my own little personal inside joke. So inside, that I'm probably the only one who thinks it's hysterical, but whatever. Well, let me try to put my current laundry situation into words for you. We have a 3-bin hamper. You know, the kind that hypothetically lets one separate into different loads and once a particular bin is almost full to the top, then one would presumably put that load into the washer, then the dryer and then, if one were motivated, they would fold said laundry and put it in its home. That sounds so simple written out like that, doesn't it? Let's just say that this scenario has not happened here. In this home. In, well, let's just say, AWHILE. Like so long that those bins that are only as high as about my mid-thigh are piled up taller than I am. And I don't consider myself a vertically-challenged individual.

I am going to hang my head in shame now.

den of illness

Mid-point of our last week-end, J. hauled himself to the ER because he couldn't breathe. He has asthma and had caught some type super-virus that was kicking his hiney and, well, we figured the whole not-breathing-thing could not wait until Monday when our GP was back in his office. An x-ray, some blood tests and a couple of breathing treatments later he was back at home. Can't wait for that bill, we haven't even touched our deductible yet this year. So then he improved. A bit. Today wasn't necessarily a good day in the breathing department, but he is better.

In the meantime, the Muss and Boo have been hacking up little lungs this week. No fever or anything else of note, just the hack. I have some prescription cough meds I keep in the cupboard for just these instances and they seem to better a couple of days later.

All the while, I have been getting progressively sicker since Wednesday. I thought maybe some alcohol consumption Wednesday night with friends would kill the germs, but alas, it did not. So, by today, I am coughing up all kinds of colorful stuff accompanied by wheezing, fever, chills, a bit of nauseau (that was yesterday) and a headache that could fell a brachiosaurus.

Seriously, the kids, they are not quiet. They have no volume control, it is either at 11 or they are sleeping. They don't have the capability to be quiet. IT IS COMPLETELY FOREIGN TO THEM. Last night, I was not bucking for mother of the year. With the constant shhhhhh's and hushhhhhhhh's and for the love of pete, could you please be quiet's, well, let's just say they were not sorry that I was not home when they woke up this morning.

Oh, did I not mention that I didn't miss any work during this illness? Nope, well, not until today. I went in at 7a and left at 2:45p for a 3p doctor's appointment (wasn't supposed to be off until 4:30p). I succumbed to the modern medicine thing and got myself a couple of shots in my hiney, a couple of scripts and a free inhaler (WOOO!). That should all make another nice dent in the annual deductible. Except that free inhaler, of course. Why did I not miss work, you ask? Well, I was OUT with work people on Wednesday night, including my manager, and that would just look bad. You know what I mean, I know you do. Then today, it was a quest to win over the illness (I eventually did end up losing). When you talk on the phone all day, it sucks when you lose your voice. Doesn't work well at all.

So that is our week, it doesn't help that the Muss turns 7 tomorrow and we were supposed to have her family party. Luckily it was all family and very close friends and they are easy enough to reschedule (thanks family and friends).

Have you noticed anyone conspicuously absent from this post? Yep, Kiki. I may have mentioned before the issues we've had with Kiki and her lungs and somehow she has stayed well during this bout of family illness.

KNOCK.ON.WOOD.